Working with couples is a specialty of mine. I find that there are some basic pitfalls to intimacy and I help couples identify them. I get excellent results by helping the couple understand their own individual issues, based on their family upbringing and beliefs. These insights can then prevent each person from projecting their own issues onto their current partner. With this understanding of our baggage and past hurts, each person in the couple learns how to take responsibility for their own issues and communicate their true feelings. This brings intimacy and safety, and therefore freedom into the relationship. I also offer homework, so that new patterns can be learned and engrained.
In addition to using this psychodynamic and systems approach to a coupledom, I also observe the subtleties in the room- feelings and behaviors- to create an opening for a change in ones experience in the “now”. I see couples in all stages of relationships. Whether a couple has just met, are about to be married, are newly married, are in a long term marriage, are divorced or remarried, there are basic patterns of conflict and intimacy within each couple that need to be excavated.
I attempt to break down the problems of each unique relationship into understandable and absorbable pieces. Issues of dependence and independence, closeness and distance, accepting differences, wounds and coping skills, power struggles, projection and communication are all addressed in a direct manner. I teach couples how to navigate, survive, and flourish in marriage with humor, knowledge and insight into human nature.
RULES FOR CONNECTION
(examples taken from a complete compiled list in Book 2 of Mindful Relationships)
Communication tips:
Do's
- Express daily appreciations
- Ask questions versus making demands or assumptions
- Be short and concise with what you need to say
- Listen
Don’ts
- Don’t escalate the conversation – regulate your temper
- Don’t interrupt
- Don’t generalize ( always, never, etc)
- Don’t threaten, put down, call names
How we approach a conversation is essential…pay attention to timing, voice tone, body language and using “I” messages.
Try to put yourself in the other person’s shoes.
My marriage was very close to divorce, and we were referred to Josie Kelly, and went as a last resort. The sessions saved our marriage. We learned how to communicate effectively and how to find our emotional connection again after so many years. Now we just go for tune ups when we need them.
– David. M
